Helping Your Family Successfully Transition to Summer
Summer is (very much almost) here! School is over, camps are starting, and it’s easy to imagine a nice, relaxing summer…. Until you remember that you have kids. Transitions can be difficult for kids, and the shift from “school mode” to “summer mode” is no different.
Often, parents will be caught off-guard by their child’s difficulty – “but it’s the summer! They don’t have any responsibilities! They should be relaxed! Camp is fun!” Keep in mind that shifting is difficult for many people. It takes adults some time to switch into vacation-mode as well, or if you were transitioning from one job to a new, better job, it would still pose challenges.
With these factors in mind, here are some tips to help you help your child succeed this summer:
1. Schedules are your friend! Children, particularly young children, do better when they have a schedule to anchor their days. This doesn’t need to be a full on, color coded system (though you do you), but think about what definitely will happen daily, and use that as a guide. Things like mealtimes and chores can be anchor points. Screen time or unstructured free play can also be on the schedule, to allow your child to understand your expectations.
For parents who are naturally pretty unstructured, I recommend thinking about the things that definitely always happen in your house (even as simple as mealtimes and bedtime!) and using those to create your schedule. That way you can communicate where things will go in the day to your children, which helps them feel rooted in space. Let your child know this schedule, by telling them something like, “we’re going out to the park, but we’ll be home by lunch and then you have free time until dinner.”
2. …But be flexible. Even the best laid schedules and expectations will blow up sometimes. This is where flexibility as a parent comes in. Communicate any changes clearly with your child (“I know we normally play outside now but we’re going to Target instead and we’ll have more time to play later). You can prepare your child for changes by talking about them rather than surprising your child and expecting them to roll with new information. This is particularly helpful for kids with anxiety, who often do better with knowing what will happen, even if they dislike the change.
3. Create expectations. Consider what responsibilities you have for your child over the summer, and clarify them explicitly. This can be as simple as saying, “you must get dressed before you go outside.” If you sit down and think about what you want your child to do, you increase the chances of them doing it. Typical expectations might include:
Getting dressed
Chores (making the bed, doing laundry, etc)
Summer homework
Consider taking a “responsibilities before privileges” approach to managing expectations. If I want 2 pages of math homework done each day, I can tell my child that screen time is only available to them after the math homework is completed. That way, I can avoid the “turn it off you need to do your homework” battle.
Creating expectations can also be helpful for a child who is going off the camp for the summer. Set guidelines in advance for expectations for self-care, or ….
4. Prep your kids (emotionally). Summer is often more than unstructured time - many kids are going to camp, and this often comes with its own challenges, emotional and otherwise. Try and avoid the “camp will be fun and you have nothing to worry about” approach with a kid who is ambivalent about a new experience. Feel free to play up positives, but if you are concerned that your child will struggle in a new environment, talk about it. You can say things like,
“I know that a lot of kids get homesick at camp. It’s okay if you miss home, and here are some things you can do…”
Or, “I know you’re not sure who will be in your bunk yet. That would make me feel anxious. I’m happy to talk about it if you want.”
Or, “you might not know where all the buildings are in your new program. I know you know which adults to ask, but it’s okay to feel a little overwhelmed when you start a new thing.”
It is okay to acknowledge tricky emotions in kids, even if they might not end up having them. If parents can get out in front of possibilities, it sends the message to kids that these feelings are okay, and gives them opportunities to practice managing them.